Dispensing Witan Wisdom Since The Days of King Eggbound The Unready...

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Sunday, 22 February 2015

Epiblog for the First Sunday in Lent



It has been a busy week in the Holme Valley. The weather has turned grim, grey and grotty, apart from a few sunny, frosty mornings, and with the return of the damp in the air, the pain in my shoulder has returned once more, although it’s not the immediate, nagging pain I suffered over the summer, more of a dull ache, but it’s still tedious, nevertheless.

The birds and the squirrels have well and truly woken up, however, and are busy preparing for the spring.  When I put some food out for the birds this morning, the first two customers were two chubby squirrels who immediately started rummaging through the grain, looking for sunflower seeds, like two grannies at a jumble sale looking for bargains.  Having stacked away a considerable quantity each, they retired from the field, presumably to sleep it off, and left the remains to the birds. Later on, while I was busy with some filing (I had got up early in anticipation of a courier delivery which didn’t actually materialise until twenty past two, and it seemed a shame not to put the time to good use) there were two squirrels, whether the same two or a different two, I know not, chuffing around on the roof of the conservatory. God alone knows what they were doing, but from the way they were clomping around up there, I would guess at clog dancing.

All this activity has been extremely entertaining for Matilda, amounting as it does to the equivalent of a box set of “cat TV”.  Most days this week she’s spent a considerable time with her snouty face pressed against the inside of the conservatory door, chattering, growling and swishing her tail at the antics of various squirrels, pigeons and other specimens of ornithological interest.  It’s harmless enough, because despite her show of aggression, there is absolutely zero chance of her catching one of them in the wild, as both the squirrels and the birds are faster than her, and the birds have the additional advantage of being able to fly.  She’s made the most of the finer weather when it’s been on offer, but she did the world’s shortest ever cat expedition this afternoon when Debbie let her out in the wind and the rain and she was back at the door yowling to come in almost before Deb had closed it behind her.

Ellie and Zak have been staying for a couple of days this week, so Misty has had some canine companionship, and Ellie has been able to take over the important task of keeping an eye on the squirrels while Matilda is otherwise engaged, curled up in a tight ball asleep on the settee in Colin’s front room, with her tail over her nose. As it’s been half term, Debbie’s been able to get in some good walking with the dogs, off in the wild blue yonder, where there is miles and miles of bugger all, covered up with peat and heather.  They did the Crowdon Horsehoe, and Misty managed to lose the metal tag with her microchip ID number on it. This isn’t a major disaster, as her name and address tag, which is separate on her collar, also says “I am chipped, please scan me”, but it’s another addition to a list of things to do which is already a yard and a half long, to organise a replacement. Zak takes such excursions in his stride, but I think little Ellie may have found the two successive days when they did eight miles and thirteen miles respectively to have been a shock to the system. She certainly wasted no time hoovering up her tea and putting herself to bed, when they got back each time.

As you have probably gathered, we didn’t get away in the camper, mainly owing to reasons such as lack of time, lack of energy, and bad weather. The weather here at home hasn’t been anything to write home about, and indeed we were already at home, so why bother wasting a stamp; the weather in the Lake District was even worse, though, and I am glad to say that Debbie saw the logic in not climbing a 3000 foot mountain in the driving rain only to find that when you get there, wet through and frozen stiff, the summit is in fog and you can’t see further than the end of your nose.

As for me, I put the time to good use, and although I haven’t yet done anything about publicising any of it, I laid out and sent off to press the reprints of all the missing Gez Walsh Potty Poets books, The Spot on My Bum, The Return of the Spot, Someone’s Nicked My Knickers, and Parents, Zits and Hairy Bits. Plus, in a completely different, and much more serious, vein, I’ve been working on a new collection from a young writer with an astonishing amount of talent and potential, Philippa Crundwell, called Seventy Beats. Watch this space, as they say.

The wheelchair man came and fixed my wheelchair (in the driveway, I’d forgotten he has a phobia of dogs) so I am no longer typing at a 45 degree angle. And with my other leg, this week, by dint of ignoring various issues that seemed to think they were crises, but I disagreed, and the sky hasn’t fallen in, yet, as a result, I managed to pull together some work on one of my own books, We’ll Take The String Road, now expanded to include 2014’s Arran trip.  I also fixed the vacuum cleaner. Well, I say “fixed”, all that it needed was a shard of a broken plate removing from half way up the flexible hose, where it had gathered various other elements of chip fat and gunge to cause a blockage.  The potsherd was a result of my having dropped the plate in the first place, and Debbie having hoovered it up. I had hoped, when I saw the plate heading for the tiled floor, that it would bounce, as bone china is reputed to do , but sadly, this proved not to be the case, and it shattered into several hundred pieces of pottery shrapnel, in the full-on Greek taverna approved manner. One of which later became wedged in the vac hose and stopped it working. Yes, it’s just one white-knuckle ride of excitement round here.  I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.

I’ve been ignoring the outside world, too, while I’ve been busy getting on with stuff, but there are some stories that inevitably filter through from the daily round, the bundle of “telegrams and anger” that passes for the country we’re forced to live in.

UKIP have continued their stick-on comedy election campaign with their prospective candidate for Great Grimsby asking in the context of a pre-election debate “what happens when the renewable energy runs out.” You can’t buy stupidity like that, you have to be born with it. As Bernard wryly observed during his most recent visit to me, “When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead, it’s the people around you that are affected, troubled, and saddened by it. It’s the same when you’re stupid”.  I was discussing it with Debbie and she said, with her ‘teacher’ hat on, that surely the idea of renewable energy running out was an oxymoron. To which I replied that the woman was not only an oxy moron, but a silly cow to boot.

Actually, I do her a disservice, maybe. There is a possibility  - a certainty, some would say - that the sun will one day turn into a supernova and burn us all to a crisp. It could already have happened, as light from the sun takes 8 minutes and 20 seconds or so to reach the Earth, so the sun could have blown up eight minutes ago and we wouldn’t know until…..arrrrrgh!

OK, admit it, I had you going there.

I do think, though, there is a correlation between fascism and stupidity, the more I study the antics of UKIP.  Well, it’s not only UKIP, to be honest, there’s also the EDL, the BNP, Britain First, Chelsea football fans, you name it.  ISIS are a crowd of medieval mumbo-jumbo merchants, suet from the neck up, as are the Taliban.  The essence of fascism is coercion by force to adhere to a set of values that are simply not up for discussion, no matter how much you point out their failings of interior logic. Please note, I am not having a go at Islam here, in general, merely at the people of all religions who refuse to discuss their beliefs and seek to impose their will on others, unwillingly. It’s not the exclusive province of radical Islam, either – this week the Pope said that transsexual people were as dangerous as a nuclear weapon, or something similar.  Well, pardon me, I know that UKIP think that gays cause flooding, but I have yet to see a transsexual wipe an entire city from the face of the earth and leave fallout that lasts for thousands of years.

The same thing, the fascism = stupidity equation, was also true of the Nazis. All of their best generals, people like Rommel and Guderian, were Nazis in name only, along for the ride. People such as Goering, and indeed Hitler himself, liked to think of themselves as master tacticians and intellectuals, but in truth, they hardly troubled the scorers.  We should be grateful, I suppose, that Hitler was such a meddlesome, megalomaniac duffer at battle tactics – if he had continued bombing the RAF on the ground while they were refuelling, in 1940, instead of switching to a carpet bombing Blitz on London, and if he’d ignored the Russian front instead of capriciously switching in 1941 and initiating Operation Barbarossa, the outcome of the last war might have been very different. One can only hope his present-day acolytes self-destruct in a similar manner, but without taking several million innocent lives with them.

It may seem fatuous, and indeed disrespectful, to compare the present day Junta’s treatment of the poor, the ill, the unemployed, migrants and asylum seekers to the Holocaust. Nobody is suggesting rounding up all the unemployed or people on benefits, and putting them in special camps, not yet, anyway, though Katie Hopkins did suggest last year that they should be forced to wear some outward mark denoting their status, in a bid to win the oxy moron award for 2014.  We should not forget, however, that people have died as a result, as a direct result, of the policy of “austerity” and the deliberate targeting of people on benefits by the DWP and their agencies, ATOS, and, latterly, CAPITA.

In case you thought I was being melodramatic about the way in which the war on welfare is going, the Tory faction of the Junta this week re-announced their policy of workfare for all 18-21 year olds in long term unemployment, and the withholding of benefits from people with drug, alcohol, or obesity problems.  There is an argument to the contrary, that these people need additional help, to be able to kick their unfortunate addictions and start on the long road back, but that doesn’t pander to the Daily Mail myth that all people on benefits are living high on the hog at the expense of “hard working families”, when in fact quite a lot of hard working families are working hard at crappy jobs where the pay is so low they have to have it topped up by, er, benefits.

As to the mass “workfare” programme for 18-21 year olds, I have said this before and I’ll say it again. Once you abandon the principle of one universal system which treats all claimants the same, once you start creating sub-divisions into the deserving and the undeserving poor, then I am afraid that is a step down the road to deciding that this or that section of society is not “worth” supporting with benefits, it is a step down the road to identifying these people with a special badge and keeping them corralled in camps.  And as we all know, the journey of a thousand miles starts with but a single step.  You mark my words.  First they came for the obese and the drug addicts, and I did not speak up because I was not obese, or an addict; then they came for the 18-21 year olds…

Thankfully, there are still some people in our society who have the courage and the guts to speak out against the nasty injustices of the evil Junta, and propose an alternative. I don’t mean the Labour Party, which fell ill under James Callaghan and died under Tony Blair. Ed Miliband and his miliband of merry men are about as successful at opposing the Junta as a gnat trying to sting a battleship. No, I mean the good old Church of England, the nearest thing to an opposition we have got at the moment.  This week the Bishops took some time off from moving diagonally, and instead released a round-robin letter, a “Pastoral Letter” for the 2015 election, condemning the politics of “austerity” and pointing out almost in words of one syllable that those who could least afford it are being asked to bear the burden.

“There is a deep contradiction in the attitudes of a society which celebrates equality in principle yet treats some people, especially the poor and vulnerable, as unwanted, unvalued and unnoticed,”

This is something which has been so self-evident for the last three or four years that it hardly bears saying. Nevertheless, they seem to have annoyed the Tories in general and Iain Duncan Smith in particular, which is never a bad thing.  If the Church of England was a political party, right now, I think I might even vote for it.

This week marked the release of the news that Lucy Glennon had died on 29th January. I say “the release of the news”, what I mean is that I was too busy looking the other way to notice it until I saw an online obituary. Lucy Glennon suffered from Recessive Dystrophic Epidermolysis Bullosa, which you have to admit, knocks Facioscapularhumeral Muscular Dystrophy into a cocked hat when it comes to diseases with outlandish wacky names. It’s actually a very nasty condition which renders the skin incredibly susceptible to damage even from the ordinary wear and tear of everyday life.  Lucy Glennon lived a life of pain, exacerbated by the idiocy of having the Damoclean sword of benefits cuts hanging over her for the final years of her life. She was 28 when she died, and she wrote with great humour and courage in blog postings and articles about being forced to move out of her two-bedroom flat because of the changes in her housing benefit and a muddle, not of her own making, over her DLA. Her early death was due to her condition, and not directly caused by the Junta’s policies, but one thing’s for sure, the constant battles and uncertainty she had to endure didn’t make it any easier, and her story should be required reading for anyone who thinks that being incurably ill, in pain, and on benefits, is a doddle.

But, of course, as the Blight Brigade would have us believe, people on benefits are apparently leaching the country dry, which is why there is no money for any of the things we used to have, like libraries and Sure Start centres. The bishops’ letter describes it as “game-playing, to claim that anyone who cares about the impact of austerity on the most vulnerable members of society is … careless about the extent of national indebtedness”.

Well, if it’s a game, it’s not a very entertaining one, and the result is always rigged. Councils across the north of England are finding out around now how much they have to cut this year to take account of further reductions in central government funding, not that this stops them from indulging in grandiose gestures when there is a bike race to be underwritten out of the public purse, and now we find this week that the absurdly-named “Tour de Yorkshire” is going to receive £800,000 of public funding, so we can obviously find magic money down the back of the sofa somewhere, when it’s a case of civic junketing and New Years’ Honours.

If anyone doubted the way in which the disadvantaged are treated as a problem to be airbrushed out of the picture in these times of “austerity”, one need look no further than Selfridges in Manchester, which has become the latest building in a town centre to install spikes to deter rough sleepers from using its doorways to shelter at night. So, in the bewildering cacophony of 21st-century retailing, they have at least made one decision easy for me – boycott Selfridges.  You sort of half expect compassionless brutality from a set of rapacious moneygrubbers like Selfridges. But the people who should really be hanging their heads in shame this week are Hull City Council, who put up a series of posters in the town centre targeting rough sleepers with the strapline “Beggars Can Be Choosers”, implying once more that living rough and being forced to beg on the streets is some kind of lifestyle choice.  It shows yet again how insidious the propaganda which has been pumped at us since 2010 has been. It’s quite simple, as I have said before, these days we are all just three bad decisions away from being on the streets, and with the current set of clowns in charge, they don’t even have to be your bad decisions! So, think on, Hull City Council. There but for fortune, goes you and I.

So, after a mixed week, we staggered on to Sunday, and, as I said earlier, I was up and about startlingly early, and looking forward to knocking some of the tedious tasks off my “to do” list, and maybe even get around to something a little more recreational, but sadly, my computer had other ideas and started displaying all of the symptoms of a hard disk that is not very well at all. I cursed myself that, with everything else I’d achieved during the week, I hadn’t found the time to back up my files.  Eventually, with the aid of a Windows recovery boot disk and several hours of frustration and chewing my own beard, I’d got it to boot up and run various diagnostics and scans. I also backed up about 53,000 files onto an external hard drive, so that if it does go “brustenauf” next week, at least my work will be safe, although setting up a new machine would definitely not be on my “to do” list, all other things being equal. Next week is going to be horrid enough as it is.

Today is the first Sunday of Lent, and it certainly felt suitably purgatorial.  This means, of course, that the week also contained Ash Wednesday, a suitably sombre day, as it turned out, and one where I made a point of re-reading T S Eliot’s poem of that name, in the same way that every Good Friday, I try and read Good Friday 1613, Riding Westward, by John Donne.

And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And I pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgment not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and to not care
Teach us to sit still.

Eliot’s remorse for “what is done, not to be done again” was probably related to the breakdown of his marriage to Vivienne Haigh-Wood, a process which eventually led to Eliot, aided by Vivienne’s brother Maurice, having her committed to a mental institution in 1938.  He had already left her (“deserted” her, as she would have it) in 1933, three years after Ash Wednesday was published.  My own remorses are much more prosaic. If anyone’s going to be committed, it’ll probably be me, the way things are going.  That’s not to say I haven’t let people down in the past, even the quite recent past, by not being there when needed, by hurting people as a result of bad decisions or letting hubris get in my way… been there, done that.

And now that, unlike the birds that flock in our garden, I am unable to “beat my wings”, now that I am indeed, as Eliot would say, “an aged eagle”, I find myself  thinking back on those times with the intention, perhaps, of doing some sort of penance but also, perhaps, to try and understand why I did what I did, at the time.  Maybe I should try and write it out of my system, as a Lenten exercise, since in some cases it won’t be possible to apologise in person to those involved, even if I knew where they are right now.  The Collect for today has, amongst the readings, the chapter in the Gospel of Mark where Jesus spends forty days in the wilderness being tempted by Satan. Even for someone like me who has difficulty with the literal interpretation of the Bible, I have often been puzzled by this episode, and why it was necessary at that particular juncture.  Perhaps it’s meant to be symbolic of the need to overcome the inner “Satan” in order to concentrate on the divine “spark” within.  In my case, my own temptations would not be the world, the flesh, the devil, but the torment of not being able to go back and put right what I previously did wrong. To care, and not to care.

Eliot returns to precisely that theme in Little Gidding, when he writes:

And last, the rending pain of re-enactment
Of all that you have done, and been; the shame
Of motives late revealed, and the awareness
Of things ill done and done to others' harm
Which once you took for exercise of virtue.
Then fools' approval stings, and honour stains.
From wrong to wrong the exasperated spirit
Proceeds, unless restored by that refining fire
Where you must move in measure, like a dancer.'

Well, Thomas Stearns, me old pal, me old beauty, my dancing days are over, except mentally, perhaps.  Tomorrow, I shall be remembering a sad occasion which was not of my doing, in that it is 18 years by the date since Phil’s cat, Reggie, didn’t come home one night and was found by Phil next day at the side of the Wombwell by-pass. So, tomorrow is Reggie day, black-bright little imp that he was, and he lives on in our memory and, over the years, in many passwords.

Which brings me back to computers, and this one. While I’ve been picking my way though this blog, it’s behaved itself, more or less, so it’s been a long day and I’m going to quit while I’m ahead, lock up, and fetch in some coal. Good night all, and possibly sundry.  Tomorrow shall be my dancing day.



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